I have been a psychotherapist for 33 years, and a meditator and healer for all of my adult life. I’m starting this Blog because, next to helping others to become happier and more whole, communicate better and realize their potential, my next love is writing.
I wish to combine my love for writing, musing, seeking deeper understanding and communicating in this form. I hope to disseminate helpful information and stir thoughts and questions. I hope to generate some answers, more questions and mindful communication.
On being an Integrator.
The other day a potential client asked me: “What kind of a therapist are you?” I wondered: After all these years of studying and practicing, how do I define myself? What do I want to put out there? The list of all the modalities and approaches I have studied over the years is in my head and on my website, but lists quickly get mind-numbing. And we, the community of therapists and healers that I proudly and affectionately belong to, all have studied so much. What differentiates us? What makes us unique?
I heard myself answering: I am an integrator. I synthesize. I know the terms integration and synthesize are used in many venues, scientific as well as psychological. I use this term holistically and metaphorically. Technically, integration is defined as: The process of combining with other things into a larger unit. What things have I integrated? And: what is the larger unit?
The list is long, but currently: Body/Mind/Spirit orientation, Relational therapy, Trauma therapy, Mindfulness-based Cognitive Therapy, Contemplative-based practices and last but not least, Buddhist informed Therapy (Dharma informed Therapy). Traditional therapy, of course, with its foundation of good empathetic listening, good clear boundaries, listening for underlying themes, and seeking a way to help a person move forward in their lives is still the underlying foundation.
Digesting and Metabolizing
Compiling these approaches over the years has been more than an accumulation of techniques. To my metaphorical mind, the process seems more like digesting and even metabolizing. It has been an internal experience, as well as an interactive one. Over the years, particularly when I was younger, I swallowed whole many methods and approaches. I identified with them, labeling and relabeling myself over the years: I am a Trauma therapist! I am an E.M.D.R. therapist! I am a Mindfulness-based therapist! I am a Reiki Master Teacher! I am an I.F.S oriented therapist!
Boy, did I shock myself one day to hear myself proclaiming: I am a cognitive/behavioral therapist, after having secretly looked down on that approach for years, due to internalized prejudices of early mentors. I remember the day I proclaimed to myself: I am no longer a psychoanalytically based therapist, (meaning no offense to those who are, I carried the affiliation for years); but for me, I felt like I was taking off a heavy fur coat that no longer fit me.
I have been chewing things over for a while, now. To follow this metaphor they do not lie separate and undigested in my body/mind/heart. Following this metaphor further: like digestion, on an unconscious level, some have combined, some have been refined, some have been re-formed. Some have been discarded. I realized I am answering the question I had posed in the beginning of this post.
To the potential new client, I said something like: “I have learned so many things over the years that, first, we talk, clarify what you want help with, then we develop a collaborative relationship, and we can put together the combination that works best for you. And this may and probably will change over time, as you change over time.” Definition of Integration: I am the larger unit, we become the larger unit, and this is what I offer.
I offer myself.
This is just a little bit scary to say, in a professional world necessarily qualified by the letters trailing after your name. It feels vulnerable, like coloring outside of the lines. It has taken me a lifetime to feel justified in saying this, but after 33 years of doing the work, learning the approaches and taking it all in, I realized that: I offer myself. My Integrated Self.
Skills and experience are a big part, yes. As well as allowing my own personal experiences of healing to influence what I offer: What has and has not worked for me, what I have learned about the process of healing itself, and what I have learned about sitting with the process, even when it seems to be not working, and what I have learned about abandoning a method or even a helper when I have been sitting long enough. I bring my own experience of lifelong learning, healing and living.
Resonance
So, when I answered this potential new client, I didn’t say all that I’ve written above, although his inquiry stirred me to begin to articulate this in this post. Somehow, he understood the unarticulated. He said “Yes, I can feel that.” He said he felt seen before we even met. We resonated, which can be the next phase, after integration. More on that later. An Integrative process began.
Next Post: Buddhist (Dharma) Informed Therapy